Divorce with children is never easy to deal with. It adds a new, and complicating, aspect to an already stressful time of life. But I do agree that you (almost) never want to stay together just for the sake of the children. The harm done by a hateful marriage can be far worse than the impact of divorce.
Please realize that when you get divorced and have children with the person you are separating from, you still have a commitment to deal with your ex-spouse for the well-being of your children until they are grown adults. By ‘grown adult,’ I don’t mean old enough to reliably pass phone messages back and forth between the two of you. You are still responsible for communicating with your ex in matters regarding your children, and no matter how much you despise them or don’t get along, it’s your job to find a way to communicate about these things. That burden should not be put on your kids.
You and your ex most likely have at least one thing in common still: You both love your children and want the best for them. This doesn’t mean you can use that against your ex to make them give you what you want. Your children are not pawns. They are not prizes to be won. They are not players that have to pick a team. They are still your children, just like they were before, and they should be able to love each parent equally without feeling guilty about it.
Divorce is not a game of monkey in the middle. You are still a functioning family unit, but you just have to figure out how to function a little differently now. There should be no reason to get the children involved in disagreements, even if it has to do with them. Children are not old enough to handle the responsibility of marriage, and equally, they are not old enough to handle the responsibility of divorce.
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